* p@sT + pResEnt + fUtuRe *

oh well

2011-07-29T00:24:00.000+08:00

i have completed my Adv Dip.
im an ADV DIP holder now.
but do i care?
its still de same battlefield...

musical featuring nurses are fun.

guess what.. i wanna learn how to draw comic.
that musical inspired me much.

at how much we thought but cant say.

great masterpiece, great stories? lol

2010-10-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

i seriously cant help but wonders the familiarity of this song.
nella fantasia is the song, with gabriel's oboe as the sound.
how nice, gabriel's oboe was already a masterpiece.
something that could make me calm.
and add on with the lyrics..
its super duper masterpiece.

and ohh..im stuck with QOM now.
due to this piece.
i wonder if i have time to watch them.

i've been wondering and pondering,
what are my dreams.
is it that career that i always have done [not wanted]
or.. something that makes me satisfied.

of coz, marriage is still the number one thing.
well u see, im growing old and older.
and parents, relatives, are nagging at me.
worrying tt im still left on the shelf
[btw, im ONLY 24!!]
so yeah..

i actually told my bestie tt i miss the stage.
i miss goin on to the stage and perform.
[not talking, but playing instruments]
joining the cca way back then in sec skol was SERIOUS a mistake.
i do have fun in pri skol though.
idk...
but as time goes by,
i dun wish to regret.

skol is finally over.
with theory and soon, 1 more paper.
left with attachments and the battlefield of 2 yrs.
sigh..
i seriously wish that i could have done better..

i seriously wish that i could revert back time when i was 3 yrs old.
i shld have not cried or refused when my mum wanna put me in piano class
ohhh well,
tts my path u see.
all i need to do is change and see whats the future lies for me.
sigh sigh sigh

saying hello...in a boring way. lolz

2010-08-04T01:55:00.002+08:00

taking the time to blog..
at least for now.
i noe im getting boring here..

my life is like a cycle.
home-skol-home-skol.

i got no time to socialize outside except via the net.
and that is only within my comfort level.
as in..only limited to those i noe.

i dunnoe, but technology does sucks
i hate to admit tt im one of those technology suckers.
i need my mp3, well, not anymore, its hp! to listen to my kpop songs.
blasted thru the ears, really into my own world.

not only tt, its FB-ing all the time,
home, on the way to skol...wherever.
be it wireless or not..

anyway, i dun find a purpose to talk abt technology.
coz im not a right person to condemn or watsoever.

all i noe is that i love gadgets.
hp, camera, videos, games....
but yeah, its the time tt limits me to all these.

actually i do love machines.
but to see that a fren is so curious abt machines,
i became one of those ppl who laughs at him, shaking my head everytime he touch something..
a machine i mean. LOL
my bad..

ohhh im beginning to rant.
it soon gonna be wat a fren will say..
"a disaster cum preparation for funeral day"
everytime a test, exam paper, presentations or anything related to grading system.
LOL at her.
but its kinda of....cute?!
keke

im having a debate, a bio paper and my convocation in approximately 6 hrs time.
and wat the hell im doin here
u say lehz...
"take 5"
a fren will tell me.

so im "take 5" here in my own a diary entry, but now become a ventilation port for me.
im so excited to finally have convocation.
but a close fren is not,
and another close fren is not coming.
hmphhh...
JUZ WAT HAD HAPPENED TO OUR PROMISES??
well juz fine..
i SHALL enjoy myself,
its my hard worked earned money.
ok...minus off that crazy schedules of coming to skol on weekends
and rushing thru our assignments, presentations like mad.
my house has since became a memory whenever the word, law & ethics or research arises.
y?
coz my room is the port of all these messy assignments.
LOL! i missed those days.

and yes, lets HOPE for future meet ups. or mayb a gateaway.
which i can predict..
NOT ANYTIME SOON!

i got another 3 mins.
before another cycle of revisions.
well, its mad.
seeing myself in the mirror [ok, im exaggerating]
i find tt i slacked too much.
exams is like later on...
but i only take the initiatives to start revising or mayb i shld say..
READ..
at 12midnight todae.
amazed?

im not!
i seriously have no way of motivation to get my ass off studying.
i guess its juz enough tt my brain cells are depleting.
n i will TRY to force myself to stop studying..
at least for this kind of course.
and its not tt i dun like it though.

this is when im envious of those who have their own family surrounded them.
i want to have one too.
but im too shy away from them to start a relationship.
and
psssssttt...my parents are bugging me to search for a bf.
sigh.
at this kind of age..
who doesnt want to have a partner of life.
its juz whether this person is worth for u..
that matters.

alrite..
my 3 mins is up.
gotta gooooooo and
crack my head for another cycle of revision...
WOHOOOOOO....
lolz...

give up!

2010-06-20T22:02:00.002+08:00

i really want to give up NOW!!

like seriously!

i SHOULD have just quit!

hmph!!!!

best of frenz

2010-04-27T00:37:00.005+08:00

i dunnoe why, but i really feel like blogging now.
maybe i have that urgency to squeeze my brain for the lectures.
well, im glad that i took the course now than later.
coz it just meant tt my brain is not how it used to be last time.

anyway enough of studying [and apparently, i've not started revision!]

just a little recap of what i've been doing the past few days..
[and again, im so sure that no one read my blog]
lolx

took pictures of Jimmy's N Eunice's ROM.
that day..
i was juz capturing eunice. well, fb is too much..
i tried uploading the pics over there and it had failed me 4th times.
anyway, gonna try my last hands on it there.
if still failed me..
then i get jimmy to post up. lolz.

anyway...CONGRATS again. dun forget to invite me to your chinese wedding. hehe

went out with the Animals todae.
was a great joy!
couldnt concentrate on lectures in class.
due to the massive SMS-es
anyway...the day is sooo fun n great.
lets try out clubbing people.
n ohh yeah..
dun forget the Hen's party too!

shld we organize a Rooster's party for our dear fren too??!! lol!

n i wonder when the P.As are meeting.
organize one soon buddies...

i'm so in love....

2010-04-23T23:41:00.003+08:00

with Photography!
{evil laugh}
i'm so in love to play with my old-new toy!

with that many excuses i've made while working
"busy working, no time to take pictures!"
i'm trying to compensate while studying.
in case many doesnt know,
im continuing with advanced diploma in nursing [medical-surgical]
well, not something to be proud of though.
but somehow i know that no one is going to read my post anyway.
lol

so take it as a personal entry from me to remind that
FINALLY SITI, YOU HAVE TIME FOR PHOTOGRAPHY!!!

i do envy my cousin though.
he put so much into photography that it become a source of income for him.
congrats cousin.
you have talent.
me...im just a beginner, with no inside out of the basic knowlegde.
only with the beliefs that i took better pictures than my other close friends.
call it 'intuiton'
watever.

but does that mean...
i have to expand my collections.
most not in the meant time.
im serious abt this hobby
but i guess my lens is all i have and need for the time being!
LOLZ

anyway...
its finally ROM for Jim n Eunice.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

**lets hope everything goes well for me tml...y? coz..this bugger[oops] appoint me to take pictures for him eventhough he knows im not that good. its juz that i have good camera! well done mr khoo! lol!**

should i be happy or sad?

2010-04-07T01:48:00.002+08:00

if it meant to release that burden

im willing to listen

eventhough im shocked

but even so...

you are still my dear friend!

....the Last ROund of night....

2010-04-05T13:05:00.002+08:00

how i ended my 3 graveyard shifts?

1st night:
its simple, quiet but lots of "anger" towards the cute yelling auntie.

2nd Night:
muscles developed from pushing patient's bed up and down the hospital. with some sarcastic remarks from overflow doctor for not knowing how to assist him in a procedure.
-maybe he forgot that this nurse is a first timer in THAT KIND of procedure-
n not to forget, the worse combination of the on-call people.

3rd Night:
the F***king call bells are killing and draining us down. screw the person who invents call bells.
n its a bleeding/ diarrhoea changing diapers/bedsheets every hour.
-Should i be angry or what? its entirely not their fault that they have to be in state, but at least a please or a thank you is sufficient enough to make our day-
and at some last minute @ odd hours,
she just stopped breathing! after making SOOOO much noise the entire night.
-somehow, i felt better that she is at a much better place than to suffer from this-

n there goes the tired 3 nights.
not to forget,
my LAST ROUND of night.
in ward 57.

GOODBYE night shift.
GOODBYE all my NICE NIGHT staffs.
GOODBYE that entire nearly 4 years of learning.

n again..
i ask myself..
"am i happy?"

it will be my last round of nite..

2010-04-02T02:42:00.002+08:00

its gonna be..

GOODBYE!

bye mother ward.

bye lovely people out there.

for the gal who always need guidance...

and always have guided is going off...

to chase management dreams..

n not of hers..

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

so long people...

be happy! n smile always!!

n it will be the last round of nite....

am i happy?? **shrugss**

4th off day, n its killing me!

2010-04-01T15:38:00.004+08:00

everywhere i go to..
it only reminds me of Japan
i dunnoe why,
mayb im attached to that place.

oh well,
bring me back to my homeland..tt is..singapore!

its the 4th day of my off day!
n yesh,
i've been home all this time.
except for some outing spent with mum.

n tts where, i wished im at work,
or doing something worthwhile.
its when..
someone raised tt marriage issue.

pressurising?
nope.

i can escape from this qns which i dread to answer.
n somehow, i always have tt reason.
n tt answer.

todae...i tried playing my guitar which has been collecting dusts at the corner of the room.
n felt stupid after trying to play and play.
coz i've yet learned how to play chords.
tts when i think,
ohhh guitar is soo not me.
shld have gotten myself a keyboard instead.
mayb next time

but me visualizing myself playing it is so great.
mayb i shld get a teacher.
tts only when i have a free time for myself.
hmphh

n i sooo have to get back to my DSR!
need to buy some lighter lens.
and a dry box too!
i hope it doesnt mould in there. jeez!
my current lens is heavy. and super long.
and i couldnt bring myself to bring it to some function.
coz im not a professional yet.
lol!

oh yah...Nyp is taking tooooo bloody long to confirmed out placement.
n im getting sick of waiting.
for...
i have plans IF im not included in the placement.
lolz.
ITS VACATION BABY!

if only.

2010-03-27T23:33:00.005+08:00

i seriously wanna give up now.

give up the whole damn thing abt the organization, the career and watever else is there?
im tired. im seriously am.
i wonder who's hearing? i wonder who's eye-ing?
n i dun need to be in tt position for the better.

if only...
something which i shldnt be doin.
but i got no choice..

if only...
a hopeful word with little assurance.

if only...
i follow my heart.

i would have left if i have tt money with me.
but yeah..
if only.

and yesh sri, thank god u someone who as crazy in kpop as me. lolz!!
lets meet one day.

currently listening to.

Untouchable ft Narsha- living in the heart

Min Kyung Hoon- it hurts because its love

awaiting....

2010-03-22T23:17:00.004+08:00

i'm back from MIA!

actually its not. im so lazy to update.
my routine life..

has always been the same.

work...eat...sleep..
its rarely goin out with frenz.

oh boy, im missing the ladies n gentlemans now.
lets planned up another outing will us?
lolz.

n im kinda having tt guilty idea of not making it to redang.
im sooo sorry ladies.
i'll try to make up one day, i hope!

n so...
im waiting for my confirmation to NYP.
for advanced dip in med-surg.

dun tell me anything, dun ask me anything.
im so noe wat u are gonna say.
this journey...
is like wasting on me.
**nodding my head**

can someone pls remind me again, tt i dun need tt qualification for now...
wat i need is experience....

currently listening to....
2AM- i DId wroNg

that decision..

2010-02-17T10:45:00.002+08:00

i was made to think abt my future.

i was made to think abt skol.

if its money, i would go for tt course.
but yet again..

how much i was paid for.

i cant decide between med-surg and geron.

CCU is definitely out of the qns.

i dunnoe...but i juz have no interest in tt.

n zal2,
YOU r definitely the best!

while many answer me as medsurg or ccu...
u answer me as..
"klau geron org tua2, kau amik med surg sudahlah!"

hmmmm...

it's D-day...

2010-02-05T16:09:00.004+08:00

yen

its de Day im Waiting for.
farmer told me tt i muz be excited since i sms her almost every day for the outing.

who's not?

its the 1st time

1) goin OUT of the country, n i mean...further from mlysia.

2) maiden flight!

3) with my good frenz. too bad kim is skoling- if not, she will be in de list too. ohh man.

my bags finally packed. gonna be bringing lesser clothes now tt i saw the goodies there. hahahah.

anyway...see u gals around!

bloody stress

2010-01-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

it sucks!
work has been especially tiring these days.
nights spent on report, which i have no idea how to finish it up, although i have those information.

n getting excited to go japan doesnt HELP at all..
coz i need to go thru those obstacles of REPORT n AUDIT before i can even think abt goin japan.
tt bad. yeah i noe.

n im already rope-d in into another PROJECT!
can i SAY NO??? CAN I!!
if its not for her..
i think i wont be in....

argh...
bloody stress!

big project.

2010-01-20T02:12:00.003+08:00

oh dear...
juz as i was abt to countdown to de big audit tt nv 'attracts' me @ all,
[well, its more of de JAPAN trip though]
i NEED to do QI report due this month
6 reports need to be up within half a yr to be sent out to other countries.
[n thinking of goin up to the stage alone to present, YIKES!]

another rushing moment...again.
seriously i need to get some confirmation with regards to this.
i seriously doesnt noe who to contact for the format.
n yet, i agree to do this report
ALL BY MYSELF!

maybe its the crazy 24th syndrome.
or...
mayb its juz me.
with my motto of life..
which i kinda of forget wat the hell it is.

another side matter.
many noes the reason y im goin for tt impromtu trip
seriously gals,
i will TRY to get something for u fans out there.

kinda of excited.
still have another 2 days of itinaries to be done
n we are done...
left packing though.
[heard it will be bloody cold there]

but who cares..
im going out!
:D

paintballl

2010-01-15T23:25:00.002+08:00

i love goin out with my collegues.

n i love PAINTBALL todae.
of which, its more of "PAIN-ball" as quoted by Ashley.
keke

i got knocked down during the 1st elimination round
of which,
someone apparently hit my neck.
the 1st thing i could do was to touch de neck..
hopefully tt the liquid tt flowed down is NOT BLOOD!
pheww....
i was lucky.
now im having broken skin to the neck.
with an excruciating pain im having now...
im wondering how to go work tml..

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway gals!
i enjoyed todae,
juz how i enjoyed the other day.

:D

excited + happy!

2010-01-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

im soo excited now.

me n kirin r 3/4 ways to planning itinaries to our JAPAN trip...
hopefully things goes well for now..and then.
eversince tt controversies abt GD lately.
we r keeping our fingers real cross.
we sooo wanna meet them.

p/s to sri: if u read this, IM GOIN TO WATCH BB!!!! kekeke

financial issues aside,
we cant wait for the trip
as it will be our 1st time travelling overseas together.
it would be the 2nd if redang happens in april later.

**still a/w confirmation from mar n dy, hopefully u gals can make it! we planned this for long already**

great news along the way.
a best fren of mine is FINALLY getting himself R.O.M.!
n im invited!
WOHOOO!!

uhmppp....
so gonna be broke this 1st half of the yr..
but yeah,
de blissful living matters! **winks**

n de questions tt been showering me when such event arises...
" WHen is YOUR turn?"

with de most brightest smile i have..

my answer...

"WHen the time is..."

-_-

J.A.P.A.N.....cant wait!

2010-01-09T01:49:00.002+08:00

3 more weeks to...

JAPAN!

im sooo cant wait to see BigBang concert!!
n of coz...
1st time travelling by plane too!

couldnt keep tt excitement any longer.
i have the camera..
only i dun really noe the functions to it.
n of coz...
de best thing ever.
tt trip to japan.

kekeke...

n im sooooo bloody broke now.

saxaphone :D

2009-12-16T00:56:00.002+08:00

im in love with a saxophonist!

i shall give KennyG 2 thumbs up for being able to make me into extremely emotional creature @ this point. :D
geez!

n its true...
someone i like played it too back in skol.
n i wont tell u who....**zip up mouth**
hmmm...
n i was surprised abt it.
but oh well..

its all abt the past isnt it..
i dun think he like me anyway..
ahhhh ct, tts childish!
boohooooo

bad time

2009-12-05T01:30:00.002+08:00

it certainly doesnt attract me....to the new audit coming over next yr!

n certainly i UNDERSTAND ur big dreams..
but can u understand OURS??

can u assure me with tt cert,
i can get good pay, better quality of work, less shits, and better customer care [n i mean customet care towards us].
n apparently at the rate @ which is goin..

NOT!

im sorry to say this..
but those ppl under my care NEEDS more than ur attraction to de audit.

im beginning to hate my work more n more.

n fren who is korean-jap craze is so bloody rite...
"tt celebrity who has fainted and hospitalized time n again, may feel stressful, but @ the end of the day...they still get to do wat they want n feel satisfied with their return hardwork even with bad times!"

n i couldnt help it..
but agree on it..

p/s: TGIF is not applicable for me!

A.L.

2009-12-01T01:20:00.002+08:00

Annual Leave spent in a bliss yet painful memory.

had fun with the family. its been tt long since we actually got together.
those who didnt go...BOO to u.
oh well, i noe tt such things happen. so u're forgiven.

went off to Muar on 25th.. then to Malacca for short trip. after tt to Muar again for the Raya Haji's preparation. played truant, went out with cousin. and got a big big big burned from the exhaust pipe, which turn into a blissss-terrrrr.

the pyrex is at it again. next yr planning to where?? and when?
hmmm...looks like our plan will be postponed again.
:(

when was the last time u cried for a fren?

2009-11-20T01:41:00.002+08:00

de actual fact..
i wan to bitch abt work..
but i held off first, until tt patience of mine really worn off, and the desire to 'kill' is very prominent.
anyway, its a "not-so-nice-matter-which-involves-with-important-ppl-who-wants-to-b-respected" matter...

im still surviving with de new station...
of which, i dun-really-hate-it..
i juz hate to be nursing 'special mentions' instead of my patients.

it really got me into thinking...
"y not have the doctors become a one-day NURSE instead?"
i dislike the way they talk abt our professionalism...instead of THEIR professionalism.
anyway, enough of work..
it will get off it sooner if i WERE to continue here.

THE REAL TOPIC IS HERE!!
couldnt get enough of 2AM/2PM.
was watching HOTBLOOD show..
apparently the guys cried **why does it matter anyway?**
when some of the team mates got eliminated.

it touches me on how good and close they were.
how they talk abt..."ALL for 1, 1 for ALL" **sounds familiar?**
imagine tt bond..

i wonder when was the last time i CRIED for some frenz..
i think of countless memories tt i tear-ed in private..

1) news when a good fren of mine got into an accident, went hiatus for months, only had tt bravery to tell me when i met her online and de story goes incomplete till now...
[it's ok gal, tell me when u are ready...its time to move on, but when?"

2) when another fren of mine got pregnant...[i dunnoe if its a dissapointment or happiness, but gal, u raised tt kid up well. remember that as a choice u have made. tell me when u are in need]

3) when another good fren of mine got pregnant. [i remembered tearing in front of her, which made her damn shock].

4) when my best-est buddies made tt 16/17th surprised bdae party in my house without my knowledge... *thanks gals...*

5) every graduation day...hmmmmm.... & every farewell..... [its coming up soon & often!]

anyway...i dunnoe why i wan to post this.
but watever it is...

im not tt cool or strong as wat im used to be.
blame it on nursing..
juz kidding!!
lolz

GOLD GOLD GOLD!

2009-11-12T01:13:00.003+08:00

tt feeling of achievement..
after everything.

those discussion, those meetings, those feelings!

im proud to say tt we deserved that GOLD AWARD for our QIP!
a big sacrifies tt i've made thru'out de yr.
de biggest achievement.
de nerve-wrecking times.

congrats to LEAP! and Thanks all tt are understandable.
n tt some "accusations".
and thanks for telling me...and letting me explained the real whole situations.
n seriously people, there is no way for me to BOOTLICK people.
& being me, do u think i will do tt?
i had enough of tt accusations..

anyway its over now.
i've been asked to carry on with another QIP since the leader and the other team members are no longer in the ward.
ohhh man...
not another one, again!!

hair hair hair

2009-11-10T01:42:00.001+08:00

i WAN to CUT my HAIR!

feels soooo de rimas...

but i dun wan it to be short..

coz i wanna tie my hair when im at work..

kekekekekekeke

ANY RECOMMENDATION PEOPLE??

get me OUT of the house, de Hosp. whatever!

2009-11-04T21:16:00.002+08:00

seriously have not been outside of the darkness world since last 2 weeks.

mid oct to starting of nov...has been very very tedious for me to handle.
having angina attack for now.
n i assume it to be some stressors.
dun worry, i will run to de doctors when i feel the bad bad moment.

QI has been very very lacking in lots of ways.
the rushing report, the rushing presentation.
ADNs doesnt look satisfied.
n how much i care abt it.
coz i freaking pissed when we worked hard on the slides, and yet they ask us to remove LOTS of it.
animation too...
so I, ended up have to change few slides.
which come to a very boring one.

n im telling u, im freaking pissed when the 'grp' tt gave comments, ask me to put things tt i have already removed.
i mean...ITS SO DIFFICULT TO PLEASE PEOPLE! y NOT U HELP ME DO INSTEAD??

n we have another round of meeting session tml at 2.30pm.

n tt all juz means tt IM GOIN HOME LATE!!!

i seriously wan TIME OFF! its ok without de OT money. BUT i wan my TIME OFF!!!!
arghhhhh

i hate u. i hate myself. i hate u ALL!

2009-11-03T19:39:00.003+08:00

how much i have hated work these days.
how much i have hated being around people.
how much i have hated to smile, eventhough i dun wan to.
how much i have hated de word "service"
how much i have hated to do whatever u told me to.
how much i have hated to be in the middle of two person.
how much i have hated myself for "giving" that sum of money.
how much i have hated my cousins.
how much i have hated myself.
how much i have hated my frenz.
how much i have hated skol.
how much i have hated to handle ridiculous people.
how much i have hated to endure.

I WANT TO BURST ALREADY!!
GIVE ME SPACE, GIVE ME A PLACE TO BREATHE.
FOR 1 DAY, i WILL LEAVE...n nv come back.

one wrong step, one wrong word, IM SO GOONA LOSE CONTROL OF MYSELF!

n...NO MORE QI for me...
IT JUZ SUCKS MY BLOODY TIME!
n MY BLOODY ENERGY!

F***!

de living. n de gone.

2009-11-01T08:50:00.002+08:00

somehow, i saw my late grandmum in her.

for tt moment, i tot it would be alrite to talk with her, tt elderly pt who could not stopped seeking and prayed tt things would be alrite for her. unknown to her, the consequences of the latter. the much agony tt she would be facing in real time soon. n lucky for her, she got strong family bond. mayb tt would keep her in the better state.
@ de time we were talking, the person opposite her was listening. another elderly whom faced many troubles, and yet had no family. the agony she is facing then, was only for her to keep.

tts when, i saw my late grandmum, suddenly her voice which i had not heard for almost 9 yrs broke out from tt small silence, the face of tt elderly i was looking at..resembled her.
i stopped myself from talking. i tried my ways to stop tt conversation, in case, tears dropped out.
i muz be hallucinating, i told myself. but for sure enough, i missed her so much.

i was wondering what was my late grandma's feelings @ tt point of time when the dr's have to do tt painful procedure on her. god knows, coz we cant understand her. i understand tt feeling of hers soon after i graduated from nursing and had to be tt decision maker when she was badly in state. having the one to take plug, set plug, seen all kinds of procedures from other pts, i felt for her.

n i guess....its too late now.

happy

2009-10-31T16:25:00.005+08:00

oh wow! BB is back. B.E.G MV is out too!!
so in love with them in the current moment.
well, not current! but the WHOLE LOTS OF TIME!
couldnt help it but kept on repeating their songs and MVs. keke

so in love with their new songs, still pending IF i shld get their album[s] or not.
well, i might as well get 'slaughtered' by farmer.
i guess...i shall put tt on hold first lah.
till my piggybank is saved up to the brim.

well, at least i figure out now how to put videos. thanks ina! keke

[Let Me Hear Ur Voice-BB in Jap]

[Signs- B.E.G.]

up till now i still cant figure out this blogthing.
n im lazy to read the 'help'
but watever..

~currently listening to:
BB: Let me hear your voice.
B.E.G: Signs.~

[counting down to freedom]

sick...sickening

2009-10-26T12:38:00.002+08:00

oh well, the stress has finally took control of my own body system.
been sick for the past few days.
no choice but take 2 days 'off'

BUT!
tt doesnt mean tt i can rest...**ROAR**
called up the ward, and was greeted with tt unfriendly voice.

instead of 'take care' she talked abt the project.
oh man!

nice nice!
so im goin to take the 2 days with popping up pills and the malfuction brain to do the slides. and burn midnight oil for the rest of the days for my exams next week.

HOW ABT TT???
sounds cold to me..

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2009-10-22T16:42:00.002+08:00

trying hard to keep up with time..
bz schedules ahead till 16/11/09.

3 of us :kirin, me n huda..
trying to complete the assignment due tml by 4pm!
best kan..
ramai2 kt umah..
hahaha

k la then..
continuing with the law.

seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

assignments vs money

2009-10-12T01:28:00.002+08:00

who would have thought tt doin QIP is very challenging?

theres no point of regretting, siti, u are already in tt point where there is no turning point.

its left with fingers pointing @ u, with u struggling to get facts rite.

not getting understood, and yet have to understand.

i know, i shld have turn away tt request the moment im called for.

so much so tt i think tt i can do it,

but confidence has slowly drained away from me.

i guess, she HAVE given up on me. haha

research paper IS over, and yet, left with presentation to do.

we STILL have NOT started on the project.

no topic, no good flow, nowhere to start.

n health law to begin and end with.

bloody arse!!

sometimes, i asked myself, y am i so stupid to spend my hardearned money on progressing my career. i find tt useful people comes with experienced, and not some cert tt we pay-ed so much juz to get ourself demoralized later on. sadly as it is, its the truth and reality out there.

i shld have kept the money for things tt i yearned for - travelling & shopping.

i SHOULD behave like a gal with money to spend, rather than a gal who spend herself cooping with NO life each day.

its juz when i realized tt shopping is a bliss, even if its juz a box of DVD, tt i was late..

i was already in debt, a healthy one though. haha.

i shld have thought of better.

anywayz, its too late to think abt it.

all i can do is strive to success, oh man, its like JPS's motto!

to make myself happy, i went for a shopping spree after class today with farmer.

she got me an eyeliner, and a lipstick. for the complimentary tickets tt she wants and tt says 'sorry' on it. haha. poor thing. nvm u can buy me more stuff...HAHA

shop for another 3 DVDs.

buy the family this OGAWA massage- watever its called. but its cool, sooo goonnna use it next timeand im BROKE...

till 25th!

BYE!

hating oct, nov

2009-10-09T12:37:00.002+08:00

im sooo gonna hate these 2 months.

its the skol busy-ness with exams craps & presentations.

not forgetting the work's exams & projects + presentation.

yes, u heard it rite..

WORK. have. EXAMS. TOO!!!!!!

u go for a course, and u have to take a written paper.

n so call "gaining knowledge" by having to "pass it with colours"

n its not tt i mind one.

so good luck ppl who is taking this battle with ME!

de bz life....watever

2009-09-29T21:18:00.003+08:00

seriously, i dunnoe where to start. OR where i have stop.

Aidilfitri this yr has been blissful.
1st day of Raya, went to grandma house, waited for the other family members for almost 2 hrs before father actually decided to go back to MUAR!
the kids, which include me, sang the BALIK KAMPUNG song...we were soo happy as finally, we are raya-ing in kampung. hahaha
for the 1st time ever, minus the kenduri kahwin and others, my mum got reunited with her other paternal-maternal 'siblings'. n it was a blast!
i HAVE MANY MANY COUSINS, of whom...i DUN REALLY KNOW. hahahaha
we decided, tt hari raya HAJi, we will be goin back to MUAR as what we do always.
[so akim, klau kau baca nie, jgn lupa balik kampung tau! u still owe me mercuns!!]

celebrated my 23rd @ BESTWAY! best kan? NOT!!
i had to go for this core programme, i dunnoe if its a waste of time..but THEY wan us to be on par with the docs. watever la...
anyway, i got a new watch as a present. keke. nvm the colour, ayam. as long as it fits. kekeke

and the days goes by here in bz SG, juggling between skol assignments, and work QI!
really farked up now since im not sure what THEY really 1 me to do in the project! all i have with me are hardcopies which i HAVE to make it into data and into ppt slides later on.

and skol assignments, lagi cekik darah! exams are few days away, and presentation tt we HAVE not discussed yet. ppl, we need to buck up a bit. chey...
n yesh ppl...events on the way!! cant wait! :)

shocking shocking news

2009-09-15T10:17:00.003+08:00

oh wow!

the days passed very very very fast indeed.
*pejam celik pejam celik, dah nk syawal*

shocking shocking news!!

NO.1
i didnt expect it to turn out this way. anyway, i have no say in this stuff. i hate to say this, but a problem is mere a problem. u noe where im getting this to? i better not say it out. let the anger subside, then tackle the problem. words learnt @ workplace 'a hungry man is a angry man'. i dunnoe how its related, but to me...its related. haha. i dunnoe how to explain it, but ohh well.

NO.2
galfren called me a few days ago, asked to bring IC and my own self. making me into confusion state. SHE'S TREATING ME TO FACIAL!!!!! yeay. n to which i replied in those girly giggly manner, where Kirin looked @ me in disbelief **roll eyes**
she tot im talking to my BF **which apparently i HAVE NOT! coz i dun have 1!**
well, i nv show my girly side of me until recently.
anyway, i cant wait for it. wooohoooo.
k, i sound-ed pathetic. whats up with this facial and girly side? well, its for me to know. but im juz excited! hehehehe.
i shall give u a date for our date, GF!

NO.3
i was shocked to see my youngest sis @ 2am, watching Korean DVD!! well, im partly to be blamed, coz i NEVER control it. but wait, i think i saw tt DVD in the room 5 mins ago...how the hell shes watching it @ the hall? haha.
tts too bad, coz disciplinary actions coming up.
NO TV NO DVD NO CARTOON NO PLAYGRD! NO MONEY NO KEDAI KEDAI!
keke. i sound soooooo bloodyyyyy evil!!! but i loike. ish3

NO.4
i KNEW U ARE PLANNING SOMETHING!! IM NOT BLIND[although i wear specs] OR DEAF [although i have 1 good ear] and yah...watever. **roll eyes**

NO.5
i juz realised tt my tagboard are tagged by my sec skol frenz. hahaha. so where the hell are my collegues & my animals? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. come on tag me ppl!

NO.6
im starting to crap my numbers here. so b4 i actually do tt, i better take some nap, since im on the GRAVEYARD shift. 1 nite down, 3 more to go.
hopeful for uneventful nite. seriously, give me a break! stop the callbells, stop the -i cannot sleep, i wan sleeping pills!, stop STOP STOP!

see i told u...im crapping!

NITEZ!!
ohh...i need to close the door, coz discplinary actions r taking place. **evillaugh**

iTs Juz ME!

2009-09-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

i KNOW its juz ME...

im thankful to god everytime i opened up my eyes @ anytime of the day.
i dun care if my mum sarcasticly says "matahari nk terbenam pun"
all i know is tt..
im seeing another day.

n i have tt reason for tt.
a reason for a hypochondriac ppl like me.
well, i have those S&S.
but i refused to budge.
i dun trust them,
eventhough they are the ppl i ALWAYS meet.

TL on Fri brought me to someone.
HE is testing me.
HE is giving me HINTs.
n its UP to me..
to take tt hint, and live.
OR to ignore it, and perish.

@ this moment, i dunnoe who to trust..

HIM or ME.
:(

tunes Of music

2009-09-02T03:32:00.000+08:00

de After Effect of watching Drama is to find the soundtrack..
i've long watched and completed Beethoven Virus [Korean drama]
n i've grown to love musics more.
i've grown up listening to Kenny G's saxaphone OR any instrumental piece tt i can get my hands off.
obviously, i listen to all songs. but i dislike metallica, whereby u juz scream ur heads off, and i have to guess wat u are singing?? [sorry to those metal fans out there]

those days kept on reminiscing..
de days when i joined the ENSEMBLE in primary skol,
well, we are the percussion team.
and tt nothing other than recorders, pianica, think there is drum..
[which i find tt now kids are better than us]
we even competed during pri 4, and won 1st place,
beating those skols which has even more players, better instruments..
n getting A's for music is a no problem for us,
[only tt de music teacher kept on complaining tt we are playing the same songs as other kids will also practised the same song as us. wahahaha]

and tts abt it.
i didnt proceed with joining band during sec skol. and i half regret tt decision.
bCOZ i wished tt i could play piano, and now im having craze over guitar.
n i was told tt i was a guitar fan since young.
i practically LIKE seeing people playing guitar, as wat my mum told me. i would stand on my seats when im younger and shout and scream whenever someone on stage play guitar.
and i knew nothing abt this...until now.

Gabriel's Oboe, has caught my heart. listen to the song posted on my blog.
there's a piece from the orchaestra and somewhat a guy plucking the guitar.
LOVE IT very much.

close ur eyes, relax ur mind..
listen to tt piece..
n u find urself carried away with its simple life...

money money money

2009-08-28T02:47:00.000+08:00

so i say...
its the END of the month.

tt means..
$$$$$$
im happpyyyy....NOT!

we got separated quickly..
1 lump sum of it, for the parents.
2/3 of it.. the insurance, the LOANS..
and 1/3 of it, for my own expenses.

IM TOTALLY BROKE for the month.
as a matter of fact, MONTHLY.

it doesnt help with having nite shifts.
i wonder when is the day coming for me..
FOR SHOPPING!

it irks me seeing those displayed stuffs, knowing tt i can afford it but cant buy it.
n results in me
not touching it, OR even looked at it.
u call this window- shopping.
but for me,
for not seeing or touching it,
makes the temptation even lesser.

mum says 'stop buying ur korean DVDs!'
n i say.. 'i cant. its the only thing tt keeping me in, entertained'
i noe i sound pathetic.
but tts the way i lived.

i really hope tt HE sees this,
or mayb some close acquataines of his..
can mayb pass this message to HIM..

GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!

for which, i noe..
SHE has sensed it.
due to my cries of money almost everyday.
n the tone im speaking,
whenever HE was brought up.

for which..
SHE reminded me again of my late grandad's words..
"rezeki kita bukan pada kita, tapi untuk org lain...."
after which,
i juz shut up my mouth, closed the door to the bedroom,
and layankan my Korean drama.

LAGI BEST!
hmph!

everything is a problem. research has to start soon!

2009-08-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

its juz the beginning.
i hope the childhood trauma doesnt have tt drastic side effect.
it cant be now..
yup. not now.

skol started.
well, helloooo to hellll
its reseach & law & ethics.

i basically adore law.
BUT its hard to catch on her words said.
but her cases pertaining to nursing, is VERY VERY interesting.
how gullible are we in our work.
without realising the importance of it.

HEY PEOPLE,
when are we goin to start the presentation.
due date is coming up
well, i dun even think my grp members even read my blog.
or even the existence of my blog.

gahhh...
find me TT damn PROBLEM!
n gal, no, uniform is OUT of the qns.

so wat else is there?
sigh..
to me, everything is a problem!

n tts rite...
tt level of capability..
is running down.

Im asking for a peace world

2009-08-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

PEACE
thats all tt i asked for.

work has drained me too much.
too many new staffs.
too many trainings.
too many demand people.
too many unbelievable cases.
too many sick patients.
too many weirdos.
too many verbal abuse.
too much talking.
and lesser work.
too many unhappiness.
and the list goes on.

i wanted to go..
but i needed tt money.
if i shld have known.
i wouldnt be taking degree now.
haha.

her words has been playing thru my head.
and i really wan to BE better than her.
and no, i dun respect her in all ways.
although i TRIED to be positive and
TRIED to make frens with her.
BUT...
she simply stepped over our heads already.
sorry ppl, if i have to bitch on her.
but she is too much @ her words.
I HAD ENOUGH!

im contemplating people.
i wanna get out from this line.
i hate to say it..
that i LOVE this job once upon a time.
patients, were once patients.
they gave me the strength to carry on.
be it life or death, we play a part for each roles.
but tt was ONCE.
and...
my feelings for the job has been since downgraded.

he says to me..
"gal, watever happens, happened for a reason"
for tt, im contented.

im seriously thinking of migrating to somewhere to start afresh.
i dunnoe if its the 20's thinking or something.
but it juz came up to my mind..
that i need to fix myself.
im thinking of some plans made by frens.
- Work as English teacher in Japan
- Work in Australia.
- Open up a business.

but u noe why its not carry out?
-no $$
-family not willing to let me go.
a reason as simple as tt.

so for now..
my aim is to be BETTER than her.
like seriously.
TO MAKE HER BLOODY MOUTH SHUT!

better seeing other's blood than my own!

2009-08-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

ryte..
work has bore me too much.
seriously,
i couldnt handle those political issues anymore.
simply couldnt be bothered.
simply sick & tired of it.
simply juz..
simply

im thinking of freedom.
getting away from wherever i am.
goin across the border,
being myself.
and not turning into a selfish & hypocrite.
n i am not now too.

but where shld i start.
or rather
HOW to start?

a transfer OR a termination?
moments of indecisiveness.
getting out is a MUST.
but the continuation of it?

god knows.
HE planned it ALL.
signals are everywhere.
HE knows it ALL.

i know.
feeling the moment of me is NOT goin to last.
ryte, i sound so pathetic now.
eversince i saw my own blood.
its better seeing other's blood than my own.
contemplating @ the reasons and how i shld go abt it.

ryte,
am monitoring it myself.
before i got myself into trouble.

intimidating...

2009-08-06T00:33:00.002+08:00

"you're our heartbeat tt make the difference"

i would have like this sentence tt much to post it a blog.

familiar, working collegues?

go n find out urself, where this slogan comes from.

but hell no, I DONT LIKE IT AT ALL, after being intimidated by a rude someone.

"the company would rather lose you THAN losing itself"

come on, ain't we all the staffs that made the company.

u dun have a company IF u dun have us, the staffs.

rite...

i wouldnt be surprised IF i decided to go off.

ONLY time will tell, and for tt....i think i have a few more months left to go..

2009-08-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

my leave is coming to an end.
which means that im goin back to work soon.
BOOO!!

i prefer goin to work though, although i hate it so much.
i hate staying @ home and face the kids siblings.
sorry people, if u have to see this.
i hate it when people raised their voice @ the parents
n insists of doin wat they told.

SISTER, IF U HAPPEN TO READ THIS!!
PEOPLE DONT OWE U A LIVING!
u shld strive it urself and work things out urself,
rather than comparing urself and me.

moreover, u are juz a 14 yr old teenager, compared to myself, a 23 yrs.
and if u think tt i RULE this house.
PLEASE GET THIS IN UR FREAKING TINY BRAIN!!
I DONT OWN THIS HOUSE!!!
n i BUY THINGS for myself. i may owe them money BUT I STILL PAY MYSELF!

n if u are still trying to play games with me,
then, we SHALL see abt it.
IF U WAN ME TO DISCIPLINE you.
THEN COME N FACE ME, u idiot!

MOOD: ANGER!

depressed.

2009-07-31T01:17:00.002+08:00

after class, kirin got cranky [as always].

5 gals, n a dam.

chaotic!

MORE OUTING PLEASE.

im making a decision now.

hope u gals [to: kirin & mar] see this.

IM GONNA GIVE HONGKONG A MISS!!!

[im sad, coz i really wan to go. but takder rezeki la katakan. next time ah gal. make it a DECISION, rather than a Impromptu one. n gals, PRESENTS PLEASE!]

damn! im depressed!! sigh.

FAREWELL...

2009-07-29T02:48:00.002+08:00

its FAREWELL again.

back from outings with the ward girls to celebrate Nicole's bdae & Sister Dorothy's farewell.

**sob sob**

gonna miss her.

next would be Sister LSM.

i wonder when's mine?

since everyone leaving anyway.

im SO LoNelY!

hahahahaha

anyway gals...

ROCKBAND RULEZ!!

currently, listening to those oldies boybands songs.

damn...now im missing those YSS mates.

SkyDining @ Jewel Box

2009-07-28T00:46:00.007+08:00

went to Jewel Box for dinner with kirin on Sunday [26/07/09].

Its a skydining thing, where u have ur meals inside the cable car, and goes around mount faber, harbour front and sentosa for 3 times!

quite funny since only we are the GIRL COUPLE, to which, this kirin, had to add on..
"kita kan lesbian, siti"!
oh my oh my, see wats been coming out from her mouth!!
sungguh tak senonoh!

"ITS NOT TRUE OK! IM STILL A STRAIGHT FEMALE!!"

hahahahahaha.

we had "fun" inside the cable car,

eating and chatting away, shouting and screaming, and of coz, cam-whoring.

the ambience is not really tt breathetaking..

but a worth 'complimentary' experience, thanks to kirin!

wahaha

n we have decided tt my camera....NEED to CHANGE!

keke.

spent almost 2 hrs inside the cable car,

and off we go..walking down the hill.

yesh, we walked down to the MRT! using the long route.

aint we crazy?! i believed we do. coz apparently, we are not dressed up for a hiking u noe!

imagine u are driving up the hill, and then u see 'crazy' people walking down the hill with their best clothes.

hahahaha.

cant blame me, im OUT with the BIPOLAR!

and blame the Marang Trail to put tt BIG BIG sign

discouraging us NOT to use it as the trail doesnt have Lights to lead us on.

imagine the total darkness ahead of us and a sky full of creepiness....

SCARY U!!

along tt crazy way downhill, which took us less than 30 mins, we planned many activities for the ANIMALS! keke.

1) walked down the MARANG TRAIL @ nitez! [seriously, i DONT MIND]

2) booked a chalet and have marathon. [since we love FO so much]

3) go overseas [it had been postponed many times due to unforeseen circumstances]

4) to the ZOO! [waiting for juls to confirm the date]

5) forest tracking @ bedok [damn cool la this]

ohhh did i tell u..

i LOVE the TOILET!

damn cool place to take pics.

hahaha.

WEIRD!

2009-07-26T13:46:00.000+08:00

WEIRD!!!

VERY VERY WEIRD!

AL

2009-07-25T23:46:00.003+08:00

my AL starts from NOW

**yippie**

but...

im NOT goin anywhere!

hmph!!

SISTER!! CAN I HAVE 2 WEEKS OF NPL??!!!! [u think she will read this, NAH!!]

pretty pls!

[sigh, even IF i bcome more hardworking, these request can juz be ignored]

BUT I WANT TO GO HOLIDAY WITH BIPOLAR!!!!!

grieving.

2009-07-25T01:50:00.003+08:00

ryte..
i saw their family pic in the news yest.
condosclences to your family.
ur father is [was] a great man.
its unfortunate tt the illness took up his life.
and for u guys to be by his death side, was a tough one.

semoga tuhan mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya

Al-Fatehah

D&D

2009-07-24T03:10:00.002+08:00

oh man..

WHAT TO WEAR FOR D&D TML??????

URGH!!

cant find anything nice in the wardrobe. n im NOT buying! urgh.

moment of death

2009-07-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

ohh man..

this feeling is like shit.

how come i've seen nothing, But, death...

the real life, the reel life, the reality & the dreams.

i opened HD, and saw 3 of my old pts...looking @ me. i smiled, says hi, and walked away. in my heavy heart, i dun wanna see them on their last.

hey, it may sound-ed bad....

BUT!

it hurts to have someone's last breath on u...

it hurts even more to break the news to the relatives.

i noe how much i went thru, juz to tell them...

"ur love one has gone"

i looked @ the phone, the words got stuck, and the tears juz waiting to fall.

ended up, i gave the phone to my another collegue, coz i cant speak their language.

i even remembered crying once, with the family coaxing us instead.

[after tt incident, pt remains as pt]

i even remembered having to sit in to a family conversation,

tt 'denial' state.

i remembered how, the Reg, told me...

"u noe siti, after being in this line for long and getting older by day, i dun think i could control my emotions[tears] anymore. i felt so sorry each time.."

[n who says tt we get used to it. For a dr, its painful not to have cure tt pt. For a nurse, its painful not seeing pt's family by their side]

and whoever says they have not done any packing...

u shall be next, appointed by me! hahaha

post nite

2009-07-20T19:18:00.002+08:00

im on my sleeping day todae.

instead of sleeping on my comfortable bed,

i chose to roam around the town area instead

settling my loans stuff, and walking through 'mazes' with my mum

super sianz. and super pissed.

n im dead tired now, having to wake up @ 7pm on 19/7/09

and still awake @ 7.25pm 20/7/09

n not forgetting too..

tt im already back to shift work tml afternoon!

urghhhh

oh yah. felt like buying the upapa hug massage.

i tried it for like 10 mins, and it does work for me.

esp on my back and shoulders.

damn, i sound like some ah-ma already.

think the ah- ma pts are better off than me.

*giggle**

oh yeah...i still need help for blogger.

dumb

2009-07-20T11:37:00.001+08:00

sincerely...

mayb im dumb,
but i still cannot get the grasp of blogger
i wan to change theme.
n i did.
but then, i have complicated issue after.
hahahahha

im soooo dumb.

testing for now

2009-07-19T08:48:00.002+08:00

i got tired of using multiply, really.
mayb i shld juz use multiply for not known contacts.
gotta try blogger. looks interesting though.
hahahahaha.
btw, i have tt free time, who cares!!