moment of death

ohh man..

this feeling is like shit.

how come i've seen nothing, But, death...

the real life, the reel life, the reality & the dreams.

i opened HD, and saw 3 of my old pts...looking @ me. i smiled, says hi, and walked away. in my heavy heart, i dun wanna see them on their last.

hey, it may sound-ed bad....

BUT!

it hurts to have someone's last breath on u...

it hurts even more to break the news to the relatives.

i noe how much i went thru, juz to tell them...

"ur love one has gone"

i looked @ the phone, the words got stuck, and the tears juz waiting to fall.

ended up, i gave the phone to my another collegue, coz i cant speak their language.

i even remembered crying once, with the family coaxing us instead.

[after tt incident, pt remains as pt]

i even remembered having to sit in to a family conversation,

tt 'denial' state.

i remembered how, the Reg, told me...

"u noe siti, after being in this line for long and getting older by day, i dun think i could control my emotions[tears] anymore. i felt so sorry each time.."

[n who says tt we get used to it. For a dr, its painful not to have cure tt pt. For a nurse, its painful not seeing pt's family by their side]

and whoever says they have not done any packing...

u shall be next, appointed by me! hahaha