when was the last time u cried for a fren?

de actual fact..
i wan to bitch abt work..
but i held off first, until tt patience of mine really worn off, and the desire to 'kill' is very prominent.
anyway, its a "not-so-nice-matter-which-involves-with-important-ppl-who-wants-to-b-respected" matter...

im still surviving with de new station...
of which, i dun-really-hate-it..
i juz hate to be nursing 'special mentions' instead of my patients.

it really got me into thinking...
"y not have the doctors become a one-day NURSE instead?"
i dislike the way they talk abt our professionalism...instead of THEIR professionalism.
anyway, enough of work..
it will get off it sooner if i WERE to continue here.

THE REAL TOPIC IS HERE!!
couldnt get enough of 2AM/2PM.
was watching HOTBLOOD show..
apparently the guys cried **why does it matter anyway?**
when some of the team mates got eliminated.

it touches me on how good and close they were.
how they talk abt..."ALL for 1, 1 for ALL" **sounds familiar?**
imagine tt bond..

i wonder when was the last time i CRIED for some frenz..
i think of countless memories tt i tear-ed in private..

1) news when a good fren of mine got into an accident, went hiatus for months, only had tt bravery to tell me when i met her online and de story goes incomplete till now...
[it's ok gal, tell me when u are ready...its time to move on, but when?"

2) when another fren of mine got pregnant...[i dunnoe if its a dissapointment or happiness, but gal, u raised tt kid up well. remember that as a choice u have made. tell me when u are in need]

3) when another good fren of mine got pregnant. [i remembered tearing in front of her, which made her damn shock].

4) when my best-est buddies made tt 16/17th surprised bdae party in my house without my knowledge... *thanks gals...*

5) every graduation day...hmmmmm.... & every farewell..... [its coming up soon & often!]

anyway...i dunnoe why i wan to post this.
but watever it is...

im not tt cool or strong as wat im used to be.
blame it on nursing..
juz kidding!!
lolz

GOLD GOLD GOLD!

tt feeling of achievement..
after everything.

those discussion, those meetings, those feelings!

im proud to say tt we deserved that GOLD AWARD for our QIP!
a big sacrifies tt i've made thru'out de yr.
de biggest achievement.
de nerve-wrecking times.

congrats to LEAP! and Thanks all tt are understandable.
n tt some "accusations".
and thanks for telling me...and letting me explained the real whole situations.
n seriously people, there is no way for me to BOOTLICK people.
& being me, do u think i will do tt?
i had enough of tt accusations..

anyway its over now.
i've been asked to carry on with another QIP since the leader and the other team members are no longer in the ward.
ohhh man...
not another one, again!!

hair hair hair

i WAN to CUT my HAIR!

feels soooo de rimas...

but i dun wan it to be short..

coz i wanna tie my hair when im at work..

kekekekekekeke

ANY RECOMMENDATION PEOPLE??

get me OUT of the house, de Hosp. whatever!

seriously have not been outside of the darkness world since last 2 weeks.

mid oct to starting of nov...has been very very tedious for me to handle.
having angina attack for now.
n i assume it to be some stressors.
dun worry, i will run to de doctors when i feel the bad bad moment.

QI has been very very lacking in lots of ways.
the rushing report, the rushing presentation.
ADNs doesnt look satisfied.
n how much i care abt it.
coz i freaking pissed when we worked hard on the slides, and yet they ask us to remove LOTS of it.
animation too...
so I, ended up have to change few slides.
which come to a very boring one.

n im telling u, im freaking pissed when the 'grp' tt gave comments, ask me to put things tt i have already removed.
i mean...ITS SO DIFFICULT TO PLEASE PEOPLE! y NOT U HELP ME DO INSTEAD??

n we have another round of meeting session tml at 2.30pm.

n tt all juz means tt IM GOIN HOME LATE!!!

i seriously wan TIME OFF! its ok without de OT money. BUT i wan my TIME OFF!!!!
arghhhhh

i hate u. i hate myself. i hate u ALL!

how much i have hated work these days.
how much i have hated being around people.
how much i have hated to smile, eventhough i dun wan to.
how much i have hated de word "service"
how much i have hated to do whatever u told me to.
how much i have hated to be in the middle of two person.
how much i have hated myself for "giving" that sum of money.
how much i have hated my cousins.
how much i have hated myself.
how much i have hated my frenz.
how much i have hated skol.
how much i have hated to handle ridiculous people.
how much i have hated to endure.

I WANT TO BURST ALREADY!!
GIVE ME SPACE, GIVE ME A PLACE TO BREATHE.
FOR 1 DAY, i WILL LEAVE...n nv come back.

one wrong step, one wrong word, IM SO GOONA LOSE CONTROL OF MYSELF!

n...NO MORE QI for me...
IT JUZ SUCKS MY BLOODY TIME!
n MY BLOODY ENERGY!

F***!

de living. n de gone.

somehow, i saw my late grandmum in her.

for tt moment, i tot it would be alrite to talk with her, tt elderly pt who could not stopped seeking and prayed tt things would be alrite for her. unknown to her, the consequences of the latter. the much agony tt she would be facing in real time soon. n lucky for her, she got strong family bond. mayb tt would keep her in the better state.
@ de time we were talking, the person opposite her was listening. another elderly whom faced many troubles, and yet had no family. the agony she is facing then, was only for her to keep.

tts when, i saw my late grandmum, suddenly her voice which i had not heard for almost 9 yrs broke out from tt small silence, the face of tt elderly i was looking at..resembled her.
i stopped myself from talking. i tried my ways to stop tt conversation, in case, tears dropped out.
i muz be hallucinating, i told myself. but for sure enough, i missed her so much.

i was wondering what was my late grandma's feelings @ tt point of time when the dr's have to do tt painful procedure on her. god knows, coz we cant understand her. i understand tt feeling of hers soon after i graduated from nursing and had to be tt decision maker when she was badly in state. having the one to take plug, set plug, seen all kinds of procedures from other pts, i felt for her.

n i guess....its too late now.