money money money

so i say...
its the END of the month.

tt means..
$$$$$$
im happpyyyy....NOT!

we got separated quickly..
1 lump sum of it, for the parents.
2/3 of it.. the insurance, the LOANS..
and 1/3 of it, for my own expenses.

IM TOTALLY BROKE for the month.
as a matter of fact, MONTHLY.

it doesnt help with having nite shifts.
i wonder when is the day coming for me..
FOR SHOPPING!

it irks me seeing those displayed stuffs, knowing tt i can afford it but cant buy it.
n results in me
not touching it, OR even looked at it.
u call this window- shopping.
but for me,
for not seeing or touching it,
makes the temptation even lesser.

mum says 'stop buying ur korean DVDs!'
n i say.. 'i cant. its the only thing tt keeping me in, entertained'
i noe i sound pathetic.
but tts the way i lived.

i really hope tt HE sees this,
or mayb some close acquataines of his..
can mayb pass this message to HIM..

GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!

for which, i noe..
SHE has sensed it.
due to my cries of money almost everyday.
n the tone im speaking,
whenever HE was brought up.

for which..
SHE reminded me again of my late grandad's words..
"rezeki kita bukan pada kita, tapi untuk org lain...."
after which,
i juz shut up my mouth, closed the door to the bedroom,
and layankan my Korean drama.

LAGI BEST!
hmph!

everything is a problem. research has to start soon!

its juz the beginning.
i hope the childhood trauma doesnt have tt drastic side effect.
it cant be now..
yup. not now.

skol started.
well, helloooo to hellll
its reseach & law & ethics.

i basically adore law.
BUT its hard to catch on her words said.
but her cases pertaining to nursing, is VERY VERY interesting.
how gullible are we in our work.
without realising the importance of it.

HEY PEOPLE,
when are we goin to start the presentation.
due date is coming up
well, i dun even think my grp members even read my blog.
or even the existence of my blog.

gahhh...
find me TT damn PROBLEM!
n gal, no, uniform is OUT of the qns.

so wat else is there?
sigh..
to me, everything is a problem!

n tts rite...
tt level of capability..
is running down.

Im asking for a peace world

PEACE
thats all tt i asked for.

work has drained me too much.
too many new staffs.
too many trainings.
too many demand people.
too many unbelievable cases.
too many sick patients.
too many weirdos.
too many verbal abuse.
too much talking.
and lesser work.
too many unhappiness.
and the list goes on.

i wanted to go..
but i needed tt money.
if i shld have known.
i wouldnt be taking degree now.
haha.

her words has been playing thru my head.
and i really wan to BE better than her.
and no, i dun respect her in all ways.
although i TRIED to be positive and
TRIED to make frens with her.
BUT...
she simply stepped over our heads already.
sorry ppl, if i have to bitch on her.
but she is too much @ her words.
I HAD ENOUGH!

im contemplating people.
i wanna get out from this line.
i hate to say it..
that i LOVE this job once upon a time.
patients, were once patients.
they gave me the strength to carry on.
be it life or death, we play a part for each roles.
but tt was ONCE.
and...
my feelings for the job has been since downgraded.

he says to me..
"gal, watever happens, happened for a reason"
for tt, im contented.

im seriously thinking of migrating to somewhere to start afresh.
i dunnoe if its the 20's thinking or something.
but it juz came up to my mind..
that i need to fix myself.
im thinking of some plans made by frens.
- Work as English teacher in Japan
- Work in Australia.
- Open up a business.

but u noe why its not carry out?
-no $$
-family not willing to let me go.
a reason as simple as tt.

so for now..
my aim is to be BETTER than her.
like seriously.
TO MAKE HER BLOODY MOUTH SHUT!

better seeing other's blood than my own!

ryte..
work has bore me too much.
seriously,
i couldnt handle those political issues anymore.
simply couldnt be bothered.
simply sick & tired of it.
simply juz..
simply

im thinking of freedom.
getting away from wherever i am.
goin across the border,
being myself.
and not turning into a selfish & hypocrite.
n i am not now too.

but where shld i start.
or rather
HOW to start?

a transfer OR a termination?
moments of indecisiveness.
getting out is a MUST.
but the continuation of it?

god knows.
HE planned it ALL.
signals are everywhere.
HE knows it ALL.

i know.
feeling the moment of me is NOT goin to last.
ryte, i sound so pathetic now.
eversince i saw my own blood.
its better seeing other's blood than my own.
contemplating @ the reasons and how i shld go abt it.

ryte,
am monitoring it myself.
before i got myself into trouble.

intimidating...

"you're our heartbeat tt make the difference"

i would have like this sentence tt much to post it a blog.

familiar, working collegues?

go n find out urself, where this slogan comes from.

but hell no, I DONT LIKE IT AT ALL, after being intimidated by a rude someone.

"the company would rather lose you THAN losing itself"

come on, ain't we all the staffs that made the company.

u dun have a company IF u dun have us, the staffs.

rite...

i wouldnt be surprised IF i decided to go off.

ONLY time will tell, and for tt....i think i have a few more months left to go..

my leave is coming to an end.
which means that im goin back to work soon.
BOOO!!

i prefer goin to work though, although i hate it so much.
i hate staying @ home and face the kids siblings.
sorry people, if u have to see this.
i hate it when people raised their voice @ the parents
n insists of doin wat they told.

SISTER, IF U HAPPEN TO READ THIS!!
PEOPLE DONT OWE U A LIVING!
u shld strive it urself and work things out urself,
rather than comparing urself and me.

moreover, u are juz a 14 yr old teenager, compared to myself, a 23 yrs.
and if u think tt i RULE this house.
PLEASE GET THIS IN UR FREAKING TINY BRAIN!!
I DONT OWN THIS HOUSE!!!
n i BUY THINGS for myself. i may owe them money BUT I STILL PAY MYSELF!

n if u are still trying to play games with me,
then, we SHALL see abt it.
IF U WAN ME TO DISCIPLINE you.
THEN COME N FACE ME, u idiot!


MOOD: ANGER!